Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! It is that day again, and I still can’t wrap my head around it. A couple weeks ago it was an oven outside, and I was at the beach on vacation. I’ve always been told that the older you get the faster time goes by. I am ready for it to slow down now. I am a believer.

It seems like everyone I have interacted with recently, acquaintance or stranger, has asked me if I am ready for Christmas. What exactly does that mean? I have all the gifts, they are wrapped. The Chex mix is made and mostly consumed already. If that is being ready, then I am good to go. However, mentally is a different story. For the first time in my adult life, with the exception of the year I was in Korea, I do not have a tree up. Those who know me can hardly believe it and some have given me a hard time about it, as I would do to them, well until now. I now get it. I just did not feel Christmasy this year. It’s nobody’s fault, not even mine. It is just sometimes life doesn’t pan out how we hoped it would and when we realize once again, we have to accept the pain of life slapping us in the face, turn our cheek for more, and hope it is over for a while so we can start in a new direction. I know that in the grand scheme of things, I have it made. I have absolutely nothing to complain about. All of my Christmases have been wonderful, (with that one exception) as I am sure this one will be as well (our actual Christmas together is tomorrow). I always have Christmas with my family, my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, my nephews. I have special time with my friends and other family members and work colleagues. I have no bad memories surrounding Christmas, so I am one of the fortunate few, and I am very grateful for that.

I know that Christmas is a very difficult time for so many as they endure the season watching happy people celebrate with their families while they long for those they love. Many grieve the loss of loved ones again every year at this time. Others suffer separation anxiety much more during the holiday season. Many are going through devastating health issues or dealing with loved ones who are. There are those who have bad memories surrounding the holidays and just prefer to skip them and not have memories bringing them down once again. As a single person who has been single every Christmas for the past 18 years, it is the alone times that makes the holidays difficult. Another reason I didn’t put up a tree, I tend to sit in the dark staring at the tree lit up while wishing I had someone to spend the holiday with. I’ve had many single people tell me they do the same. Much of the time I am ok being single, but the holidays are difficult at those quiet moments alone when you’re reminded of how nice it is to have a warm body next to you.

We all know what Christmas is supposed to represent, and every year we are reminded several times through sermons, plays, television shows, and greeting cards, what is the reason for the season. As much as the holiday has turned into a sport of marathon shopping, Martha Stewart-style parties, and ugly sweater competitions, deep down, we all know why we celebrate Christmas. It is a shame that we have turned the two holidays celebrating our savior into festivities of pleasure, but at least for most, the family is still the center of both. Anytime families and friends come together to feast and fellowship in memory of His son, I believe God approves.

I’ve always been told, and felt it was true, that Christmas is for children. I remember as a child I could never go to sleep on Christmas eve, because I was so excited about the gifts I would get the next morning. We didn’t get toys and fun stuff throughout the year, as a rule, so Christmas morning was a big deal to us. Santa was always very good to us. So yes, we got excited. My sister and I would lie in bed thinking about all the things we asked for and wondering what we may have gotten. I rarely fell asleep before midnight anyway, but Christmas eve was very difficult because I wanted so badly to go to sleep, and I couldn’t no matter how many sheep I counted. Then the sun came up way too early. As soon as it peeked its head above the horizon, my sister and dad were ready to open gifts. My mom and I would drag ourselves out of bed. Apparently, I finally fell asleep at some point in the night, probably around sheep number 9973.

As I became an adult and started making my own money, I started having fun buying gifts. I had a nephew who was a toddler at the time, and I loved shopping for a small child. As he got a little older, his little brother came along. I had fun buying gifts for them all their childhood years. Now that they are both adults and both make more money than me, they are not as much fun. Christmas as an adult is certainly different. Since I make my own money and can pretty much get myself anything I need or want and am much less materialistic than I used to be, I have problems finding things for a Christmas list. I like to do special things like make donations to charities that mean something to me or make homemade gifts for people. I have been wanting to some year, start handing out cards to all my family members telling them that an amount was donated to a charity in their name, instead of getting them an actual gift. I think about half of them would be ok with that. Others may not be. If Christmas as we know it is for children, I don’t have any in my life anymore. I was walking through the children’s section in a store a few days ago with a friend, and we were talking about how we missed shopping for kids. Christmas just isn’t the same if you can’t watch little ones’ eyes get wide with excitement when they open a toy they wanted or an outfit with their favorite character. There is something about children and innocence that makes Christmas magical.

My little rant today is not to bring anyone down, nor is it to shame anyone. It is what happens when I translate the rambling thoughts in my head to written word. To those of you who find the holiday season to be a very difficult time because you are missing someone important to you, it is ok to grieve, and it is ok to not feel like celebrating. You may need to give your friends and loved one a head’s up and let them know that you need their support and not to be pushed to be jolly. To those who are having to spend the holidays separated from their loved ones, I hope you can find some way to connect in a meaningful way. Though physically separated, there are many other ways to connect these days. They aren’t as good as a hug, but to see a face and hear a voice can go a long way. To my fellow singletons, especially those who expected to not be single during the holidays, I feel your pain. If you figure out a way to get past the pain, let me know. I still haven’t figured it out. This year I am trying to forget it is holiday season whenever I am alone and tell myself that next year will be different. Ask me later how that worked.

Whether you are Christian or not, and whether you celebrate the birth of Christ or just the secular Christmas holiday of gift giving, I want to wish all of my friends and loved ones a Merry Christmas. If Christmas isn’t your thing for whatever reason, I hope the season passes as quickly for you as the rest of the year has for me. Enjoy the faces of the children as they enjoy the magic of Christmas. Teach them to love their fellow man and to give of themselves and of what they can to those less fortunate than themselves. Merry Christmas to you all and I wish you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous 2025.