When you get to be in your 50s and are still single, a lot of thoughts go through your head. What is wrong with me? I’m sure everyone thinks I am gay since I have never been married. Why can’t I find someone who would want a good woman like me? Am I too fat? Am I too short? Am I too weird? Have I been written off as a red flag because I have never been married? Are my standards too high? Most women my age have had multiple husbands; all I am asking for is one. I see people who are dirty, vulgar, who don’t take care of themselves, who are compulsive and abusive, and somehow, they always have a man. What am I missing? What is it about me that is a repellant to good available men?
I have read that the chances of a woman getting married for the first time after the age of 36, are almost zero. With that statistic, I guess I should just give up. I have many times, and then autumn comes around and I remember how nice it is to be outside in a hoodie, holding my man’s hand enjoying nature, or cuddling on the couch watching television with our feet up, sharing a blanket. I have been there, so I know how it feels. It just never lasted long enough to say, “I do.”
Many times, I have asked friends to set me up with someone, but the responses are always the same, “I don’t know anyone good enough to set you up with.” I am thankful that my friends wouldn’t want to set me up with an addict or someone abusive, but I am not perfect, and I certainly do not want a perfect partner.
So where can I meet men? People tell me to meet men at church, or at work. I’ve tried both. I dated a couple guys from work, one for a couple years, but the problem with dating men from work, when you break up, you still have to carry on a professional relationship with them, and where I work it is like a soap opera. Everyone would know and start spreading their own versions of what happened. I say, when you break up, because I have yet to have a relationship that didn’t end that way. That is all I know.
Living in a small town with no bookstores, no community classes, no organizations, and no hangouts, it is near impossible to find local men who are available. So, when all else failed, and I hate that I have to say this, I turned to the internet.
Please don’t think less of me. There are good and bad things about internet dating. First off, everyone there is looking for someone. That is a positive. The big problem with that, many of the men are looking for a hookup for the evening, not a relationship. One thing I hate is that you must decide whether you like someone or not based on a photo. Until I grew long hair, I got very few responses. Now, I get several. It is very unfair to judge a book by its cover, yet that is what we are asked to do. Another horror of online dating is the hordes of scammers out there. You must be very careful and sneaky when talking to some of them. If they look like a model or if their pic looks too high quality, check for their pics on google images. I can’t tell you how many I have turned in for fake accounts. If they say they are from a town you are familiar with, ask them about certain common places there. I was talking to one man who told me he was in the air force. He was a fighter pilot but lived in Jonesboro. I asked him where he was now, and he said Jonesboro. I asked where he was stationed and after a while came back and said Little Rock AFB. Well, I happen to know that Little Rock AFB is a cargo jet base, not a fighter base. I called his bluff. You wouldn’t believe how many scammers claim to be military brass, government contractors working out of the country for another month, or high-ranking businessmen who travel all over for their work. These guys are always giant red flags for me. Most of them are also widows with children in college, boarding school, or the military. If you talk to them for a while, they like everything you like and everything you say to them is exactly what they have been looking for in a wife. Sometimes it is fun to see how far and outlandish you can take it before making them mad or just turning them in. They don’t like it when you start asking them a lot of questions. 😊
There are several kinds of profiles of men on dating sites that turn me off immediately. These are the ones I refer to as the serial killers, the fishy ones, the hell’s angels, and the potty boys. Yuck!!!
I don’t know why a man thinks he will win a woman’s affection with a scowl on his face. Some of them look very scary, like they would rather kill you as look at you. Yes, that is the man I want to cuddle up to, NOT! I would say at least 50% of men do not smile in their profile pics. It is rare that I ‘like’ any of them. The fishy ones almost make me laugh. They are always of a man holding at least one fish in the air, sometimes more, with a huge childish grin on his face. I want you to be able to provide for me, but I am not crazy about fish. Sorry, I’m not impressed. Want to impress me? Stand in your cotton field, sit on your horse, show me a beautiful garden, hold a cat. The fish just don’t do it for me, that just tells me you will be away all day and come home stinky, and I’ll have to eat fish. I usually pass these guys by. Then there are the motorcycle and tattoo guys. I put them together because many times they are showing off both. These guys want you to think they are bad boys. Apparently, they think we ladies like bad boys. I know some women are into motorcycles and ink, but not this chick. I like a bad boy, but I like him disguised as a nerd or a farmer. Not everyone who sees you needs to know you are a bad boy, especially not my family. My dad is going to immediately not like you if you are covered in ink. A small tasteful tattoo in a place that is covered most of the time is ok, but a whole sleeve, neck, hands, or huge tattoos are just big turnoffs for me. And finally, the selfie in the bathroom guys. Ok, I get it, you want to make sure you look good when you take your picture, so you look in the mirror to make sure your smile and hair are just right, and all the right muscles are flexed. Please make sure everything else reflected in that mirror is also in good shape. I don’t want to see your toilet with the seat up. I don’t want to see your tighty whiteys hanging over the shower rod. And I don’t want to see your very messy dirty vanity, or trash running over. If I see anything like this, you are a definite NO!!! I mean the tighty whiteys alone are a turnoff, but I’ll never be able to live with your mess.
So, you may ask, what does Robbie look for on internet dating? I have my maybes, sures, and absolutelys. They must be within an hour’s drive, so we can see each other as often as we want. I have done long distance dating, and I do not like it. I don’t want to spend all my free time travelling when I could spend it with my guy. He must be a Christian. I have dated Jews, Catholics, atheists, and agnostics. I’m looking for the man I will grow old with, and I want a man who shares my beliefs and who will sit next to me in Church. He must not be a smoker. I don’t care how much you tell me you won’t smoke around me or when you plan to see me, the smell is in your body. When the fresh minty breath is gone, the cigarette taste comes back. I just don’t want it, not gonna do it. He must be between 49 and 62 years old. I don’t know why but dating a younger man has never appealed to me so going down to 49 is a stretch. He must be interested in a relationship. There is no point in talking to him if all he wants is a casual fling, because that is not what I want, why waste our time. He will gain points if he has a cat in his pictures or mentions that he has or likes cats. He will gain points if he likes to travel, if he is educated, if he has the same religious beliefs, if he leans conservative, if he is widowed or never married, and if he looks healthy.
He will lose me immediately if he starts talking about sex or body parts right out the gate. That just tells me he has one thing on his mind, and a meaningful relationship is not it. If he gets demanding or belittling, I am out of there. If he has children at home, that is almost a dealbreaker but depends on the situation. I am ready to spend time alone with my partner, I don’t want to have to deal with children who don’t want me around. Chihuahuas are dealbreakers. I’m sorry, a man with a chihuahua loses a lot of respect from me. Auto racing and country music lose points. Finally, he must be a manly man and be able to stand up to me. He cannot be a pushover and give me everything I want, or everything he thinks I want.
See, I don’t ask for much. I don’t care much about what he looks like. Of course there must be some attraction there, but I’m attracted to things most women are not. I’m not into pretty boys, at all. Honesty, respect, integrity, honor, humor, cuddlability, and love are the most important qualities I require, but all things mentioned above are important as well.
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