2025. There is so much I can say, but I am happy to see it go away. As I sit here on New Year’s Eve again, alone again, I feel a need to review this year in writing, so when I look back someday, I’ll be able to point to where things started going wrong, or maybe even right. This year has come and gone in the blink of an eye but has also travelled on the back of a sloth. I don’t understand it either, but both seem correct to me.
My year started with a broken heart. I had lost the man that I loved, not to death or disagreement, but because he had to take care of his mother 24/7. Who can be angry at a man for that? I tried to remain friends and stay in touch but eventually he quit responding, forcing me to move on. Not only did I lose a partner, but I lost my best friend. He was the person who knew my deepest darkest secrets, he was the one I laughed with and cried with and the one who listened to me and gave me good advice. I miss him very much to this day. Needless to say, I was depressed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, be around anyone, and I just wanted to be home doing my own thing, just my cat and me.
In January when President Trump was inaugurated, my daily life changed, as did that of most other government employees. This is the fifth administration change I have witnessed as a government employee, and each one has been a change in political party. When a new administration takes office, they want to go in and fix everything in government. They start tearing everything apart from the past administration and making us do everything a different way. Those of us who have been in the government a while expect it. We did not expect what happened this year. If you listened to the news, government employees were just a bunch of crybabies, and none of us deserved the jobs we had. I heard so many horrible comments about government employees, that I knew were not true, I had to quit watching the news. Government employees had become enemy number one for the administration, the media, and the public. We heard this stuff from everyone, some even from our own family members. We did not feel safe talking to anyone except to each other. We would have meetings just to vent and cry together. Those of us who felt safe in our jobs had friends who were possibly on the chopping block, and they never knew when the message would come. It is difficult to put into words in a small space how stressful and humiliating this three-to-four-month period was for government employees.
I had been trying to lose weight for years. I had been on every program offered by the VA and qualified for Wegovy, but I am scared to death of needles, so I knew I couldn’t do that. One day my work friends talked me into it. They convinced me I could do it. I contacted the nutritionist I had been working with and told her I was ready to try it, and she said that I was no longer qualified, they had changed the policy. I spoke to a few people in charge and got a waiver since did already qualified and I agreed to continue to see the nutritionist. At my next meeting with her, I was told that the VA had stopped putting new patients on Wegovy because there was short supply and they needed it for Ozempic patients. She suggested I speak to my primary care provider to see what could be done and what medications I might take. My PCP went through all my meds with the weight loss medications available, and all of them had death as a side effect. I must have been sitting there with an expression that concerned her. She asked me what I was thinking. I told her I just wanted to curl up in a dark corner and shut out the world. She told me I was depressed. I pretty much knew this, but it was good to hear it from a professional. She upped some meds I was taking for pain but were usually prescribed for anxiety and put in a consult to talk to a therapist. I believe it was February. My first appointment wasn’t until April. I guess it was a good thing that I wasn’t suicidal.
So, I went to work, said hi to all my office mates, closed my cube, put on some earbuds with Led Zeppelin playing loud and did my work. At 3:25 I started packing up to leave. When I get up to use the restroom, I might stop and talk to one of the ladies in my office before going back to my cave. I would come straight home and usually spend most of the night in my office working on my side job. For those who do not know, I sell view-master reels on eBay. I have been for about five years probably. My office is full of reels, processed, ready to list, mismatches, complete packs, duplicates, etc. I have thousands of them. I make pretty good money off them. It is a pretty good job for someone who wants to be alone listening to a podcast in the comfort of home with her best furry friend sleeping in a box a few feet away. This is my life, and I like it.
I’m a Master Gardener, and every spring we have a big plant sale. I always enjoy the plant sale. I can provide hundreds of plants from the plants in my gardens every spring. I also enjoy doing the crafts to sell. I love the people in our group, well, the ones I know. We have so many new ones that I don’t know half of them anymore. This year while working with my plants a couple days before the sale, I moved strange or something and my knee with the replacement took an extremely sharp pain that it would have taken me down had there not been a few bags of potting soil directly behind me to catch me. The pain was so bad and sudden that I yelled when it happened, which is unusual for me. I made my way to the steps of the deck and sat for a while thinking something really wrong happened, like maybe my bone split open or the appliance came out or something. To make the story a little shorter, my leg got better after a couple weeks, but I didn’t stay long at the plant sale because of the pain. I also put a lot of stress on the other knee, and it was beginning to hurt pretty bad. I did have the replacement x-rayed and was told it looked good. Just another problem to add to my anxiety. No worries.
The President was offering early retirement and deferred resignation so those who qualified could leave, but you must be gone by September 30. Many people who were qualified decided to leave so others wouldn’t have to lose their jobs. I qualified; I decided to leave. I ran the numbers and knew it would be a few tight years, but I could do it easily with a couple side hustles. I requested early retirement. I wanted out. I was suffering burnout. I had projects I wanted to work on, and work was getting in the way. I started preparing to go.
I had been on some free dating sites for a while with no luck, mostly just catfish. One day a man started talking to me and we had a lot in common. After talking for a while we went out. I liked this guy. I knew I would never get a second date, but I did, and more after that. On our first date I wasn’t feeling good. I had been dealing with a UTI for some time but every time I would get it checked they would tell me there was nothing wrong and I think they were getting frustrated with me. I did tell him that I wasn’t at my best that evening. He took me to show me his place out in the woods, which is amazing. When showing me the inside, we had to go upstairs, and my knee, the bad one, not the replacement, really slowed me down. I hated that he saw it, but I tried my hardest to walk correctly and it hurt too much. This guy, I would learn is the real thing, a true good guy.
On Juneteenth I was eating breakfast and we were texting each other. I told him I was having a lot of abdominal pain but blamed it on one of the healthy smoothies I was trying to choke down. As the day went on, I was getting dizzy, breaking out into cold sweats, lying in bed in the fetal position shaking. Around nine that evening I texted my sister to take me to the ER, I was pretty sure I had a kidney stone. She was out of town but sent a friend to get me. Turned out I had a 15mm stone blocking my kidney output. I had a bad UTI and sepsis. They put me in the hospital. The next day I was transferred to Jonesboro, and they took me into surgery to put a stent in to remove the stone from blocking. Three weeks later I was supposed to have surgery to have the stones broken up and the stent removed. Three days before the surgery date, I was back in the ER with a stone on the other side and another UTI from the first one. I was sent back to Jonesboro until my surgery.
This was a very difficult month. Not only did I have the kidney stones and hospital stays to deal with, but my guy also decided we probably should go separate ways. I think he was afraid I was just a sickly person and he is the picture of health and very active. We agreed that if either of us got lonely we should call the other. The same day we split, I found out that my request to retire had been denied by the director. Apparently, my position is too important to the facility, and if I left, they would lose the position. I was so angry and hurt and sick and depressed. I felt like I couldn’t vent to my supervisor because she was dealing with chemo and was having a very difficult time. We did have a face-to-face meeting one day and I told her if my job was so important and I was the only one who could do it, I deserve a raise. She said she agreed. I told her I was very angry, that the VA had screwed me over too many times and I just keep taking it. I think we both cried and vented in that meeting. She isn’t just my supervisor; she was and is a good friend first. I think she will do what she can for me, but the system is so complex and making changes almost takes an act of congress.
When I got past all the surgeries and stents and I started feeling like a whole person again, I thought I might just ask my guy friend if he would like to come over for dinner and a movie. I looked at his Facebook to see what he had posted that day and was glad I did but was heartbroken to see what was there. His girlfriend had tagged him on her message announcing she was in a relationship with him. I rushed to his relationship status and sure enough, he had it there too. He is the only guy I know of eager to share that with the world. See a great guy. From what I could find out, she seems perfect for him. I just wish I could have been; good guys are hard to find.
When I started thinking about retirement, one of the advisors I spoke to suggested that I get my VA disability re-rated. It had been over 20 years since I had been rated, and I was certainly in much worse shape now than then. I went to the DAV and signed over for them to fight for me. It took several months. I had to see several different providers and have several different issues evaluated. Every time I would get a letter, the rating had gone up a little. The last I knew was at 90%. I was talking to my therapist about it and she looked at my chart and said, “Well, it says you are at 100% here.” The next day, the DAV guys called me on the speaker phone to tell me the good news. Going from 50% to 100% is the difference between night and day. Finally, some very good news this year.
Sometimes something can happen to someone you don’t even know, and it can have a profound impact on you. That is what it was like for me when Charlie Kirk was assassinated. I knew who he was as I had seen him on Fox News and I knew he was very conservative. I liked him, but I didn’t know that much about him. The day Charlie was killed, something changed. More people started thinking about God, more people started questioning their beliefs and their tolerance of others, more people started to listen to the videos of Charlie talking to students and they could see that he wasn’t this hateful neanderthal that they thought he was. He was willing to listen and to talk about the things no one else talks about. He didn’t raise his voice; he just had a conversation with students. I have listened to many of his videos since his death. We Christians often pray that more people will come to Christ, maybe Charlie was the sacrifice to make that happen. You don’t have to belief that, but something happened in the heart and minds of people that day and there is a movement in this country that will hopefully continue to grow and grow, not for politics, but for Christ.
My Abbey turned 20 years old this year. Sometimes she will get the zoomies and run around like a kitten, but most of the time she is sleeping, or wanting something that I can’t figure out. She doesn’t jump up on the bed as much anymore. Last night she wanted to jump. She got in the crouch to jump, then walked to the end of the bed and went up the steps. Things like that bring tears to my eyes. I know I have had her in my life longer than most people have a cat, but still, I’m not ready to let her go. I know her last day is much closer than her first, and it breaks my heart. I just try to convince myself to enjoy her as long as I can and let her know she is loved dearly.
Speaking of cats, this year’s final tragedy, I hope, was my nephew cat getting shot. He was outside being a cat. Some vile creton decided he didn’t have the right to live for some reason and shot him. Thankfully, he was able to get home to his loving parents. He now has one less leg, but he seems to get around good. Another sad thing is that his brother begs to go outside and now has to stay indoors permanently because of a neighborhood jerk who has no respect for life or God’s creatures.
This is a bad news story that turns out good. My mom fell and broke her hip. She got a total hip replacement as a result. The good news is that it was her bad hip that her doctors told her wasn’t bad enough for surgery. So now she has a new hip that doesn’t hurt like it used to, and she is getting around great. Much better than I expected. Oh, and within a month’s time, my mom’s sister broke her leg, the other sister broke her toe, and her nephew got a bad head injury at work. We are hoping the curse goes away with the year.
Things aren’t all bad for me. This year was good also. My mom, sister and I went to Gatlinburg for vacation and stayed in a beautiful cabin. I had never been and it was beautiful. We all went up the mountain in the ski lift and could see for miles. We went on the scenic loop and saw some bears up close and personal. It was also my first trip to Buckee’s. I was impressed but not overwhelmed. I did get my picture made with him though.
I started therapy and I can talk about things that I need to get off my chest. She just listens to me. She wants me to be more sociable though. I really need to work on that.
My eBay business has grown so much I opened an eBay store, so I can list all I want. This is good because I have many things I need to list.
I have made some good investments this year. I had a friend give me some good advice and it has done well for me. My TSP has grown this year and with my disability increase I am able to contribute more to my TSP.
I have found a cat that I have fallen for completely and one day when I no longer have a cat, I am going to get an Oriental Shorthair kitten. I must get one of these bat babies. I will also be adopting from the shelter too; I’ll happily be a crazy cat lady.
My supervisor is in remission. This is probably the best news of all.
I’m just going to say it, for the most part, 2025 sucked. Tonight, on this last night, I was supposed to get a kiss, but I had to let him go before the big night. So again, no midnight kiss for me. It’s all good, I’ve been here more times than not.
I hope my year end review wasn’t too dark and depressing. I really am a happy person. 😊 I want to wish each and every one of you a happy and healthy 2026. It is our country’s 250th anniversary, so celebrate being an American or being in America. I wish you all something bigger than yourself to devote your time and/or money. I wish you a new friend who needs your help. I wish you a problem that takes some effort to solve. Most of all I wish that you love your fellow man, no matter what his color, who he worships, or who he sleeps with. We are called to love one another. So, if nothing else, make that your new year’s resolution.
I love you all. Thanks for reading!
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