Today I did something I always thought I wanted to do, but never was in the position to do. I taught a class to a group of adults who actually wanted to be there and take the class. Now I know that doesn’t sound like anything big, besides, I have actually taught classes before and presented things to groups of people, but this one was all mine. It wasn’t something that was scripted for me, it wasn’t in collaboration with someone else, it was all introverted, nervous, anxious me. To be completely honest, I don’t think I did all bad. I actually had some fun being in front of the class explaining things and giving examples and getting them to participate and engage in conversation. I did mess up and give our speaker the wrong date, for some reason every time I have typed ‘March’ this year, it has come out ‘April’, but no worries, I found some co-workers to discuss their programs with them and everything worked out and I didn’t implode or anything. I will try to get my speaker back another day. If I sound just a little proud of myself, I think I might be just a little bit 😊. I only have nine more classes to go with this group, and I now think I can do it. My stress level that has been out the roof for the past month has dropped, at least to eye level. If I stand on my tippy toes, I can breathe. A huge thank you goes to my wonderful colleagues, my boss lady and the Sparkle. They know who they are. They have been tremendous support to me and our whole group holds each other up every day.
I was going to be a history professor at one time. That was the plan, well after archeologist, fighter pilot, narcotics officer, and band director didn’t work out. History professor was the one that was going to be the one and then the Army changed my life trajectory. It paused my final credit for my master’s degree that kept me from seeking a college teaching position. It also opened opportunities of getting a government position. Government positions come with many benefits and many drawbacks. They are few and far between. If you get your foot in the door at a low grade and are not specially trained in any position they need, it is difficult to compete to move up. My degree and Veteran status got me in the door at a low grade, but the VA doesn’t have much use for an historian. However, the benefits and retirement are too good even at a low grade to not stick with it and try to move up. I worked hard for nearly ten years to get a position in the education department, which is where I wanted to be. There I have been for ten years. In October, I will have been with the VA for 20 years. I am finally starting to do the things I was going to do 25 years ago. Ok, I’m not teaching about the Founding Fathers and the Glorious Revolution, but I’m teaching things that might make a difference in the lives of other VA employees; that might help them advance faster and farther than I did. If they end up where they want to be with a group of people like the group I work with, and I had anything at all to do with it, that is something to be proud of.
This select group I had today is going to be fun and energetic; and I believe we are going to have some lively conversations and learn a lot from each other. I hope they get half as much out of it as I am going to. Every two weeks I get a new batch of new employees. They come and go so fast I usually don’t even get to know their names before they are gone. Having the same class for several months and having the opportunity to get to know each of them is a whole new paradigm for me; and one that excites me.
I guess the moral of this story is don’t give up on the dream, it may not come in the shape you expected, but it may still come. And yes, I see the irony of this post versus the last, but two totally different dreams. I’m still very upset about the other thing but have an inkling of hope that it too shall one day work out.
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